Time for Honesty.. I can Do this....

I am sitting here watching a TLC program, and doing a lot of thinking. I am going to redirect my life and this blog. I am not sure if any will ever actually read this. But I am going to make it public. That is the first step right, making your plan public.

I am so disgusted with myself, to see when I started this blog I weighed 316 pounds and it was 4 years ago, I weigh more now. I weigh 339 pounds and I am depressed and looking for motivation to get my butt in gear. I am sick of being sick, I am sick of excuses, and am just tired. My son took a picture of me and I cried. I am tired of waiting for my husband to walk with me. I am going to talk to him about it, and carry my phone with me and try to commit to walking 1 time a week to start. Now I am not bed ridden, but I do sit a lot right now. I know it isn't helping me at all.

And here is a list of my REAL excuses as to why I sit so much...

1. I have 4 herniation's in my back pushing on the nerves in my spine.
2. My feet, ankles. or hips to give out because of the nerve damage.
3. A large cyst on my left ovary (I go on Monday Sept 26th to get another check) this is very painful, causing hip pain and stomach pain to where I am crying.
4. My blood pressure has started going up, with some minor chest discomfort-I have been checked and it is anxiety, nothing else.

Now my poor excuses.

My program is on, I have to do something for the PTSA (I am on the board for our school PTA), or I am checking email, checking stuff that don't matter.

But I have said them, they are out there and now I can focus on getting something done. Starting in the morning I am going to commit to taking a picture of everything I eat, good & bad and ugly. I am also going to try to get up, shower and get dressed. Right now I am going to be honest. I get up, stay in my night clothes (usually sweats or stretchy carpi & T-shirt) roll out of bed and get moving. My daily schedule is 5:45 am, take 10 minutes to myself to wake up and go to the bathroom, check the news, then I get the boys up by 6 am. We are headed down stairs and I get the dogs out to walk and feed them, back in the kennels. Get the boys moving to make sure they are fed, and ready for school. Walk them to the bus, and come back in. Once I am done with those activities, I do a couple of different things. If there are dishes I may unload, load and start the dish washer. Same if there is any laundry. But then I just kinda stop, and go to sitting down activities, computer work or clearing my desk off because it is a dumping ground and I putter around. I think I do get stuff done it just takes me all day. And not to mention if I have to step out to go get L, C or J anything they may have forgotten or need at school.

On Fridays I go to the school and collect box tops and see what is needed at the school. So I get to walk around the school. I enjoy that. I will hopefully get to start back to going up to help out some of the teachers.

So here is my first step to a healthier life. I am going to attempt to do this with out surgery.

This is me. Sept 8th 2016. I am huge, and I am not going to let myself get any bigger. I am going to commit to taking a picture monthly to see if there is any progress.

Thank you 
Robin B

Interesting Diabetes find..

I found this to be informative. I was up early to watch (child sit as she isn't a baby) Girly.. I turned on the TV and seen one of those infomercials about diet. Now this one boosted that using it could eliminate diabetes. I couldn't believe that they were talking about this. I didn't catch the name of it, and I plan to re-watch it hopefully it will be on again tomorrow so I can take down the number and name of the product. I just hope no one out there thinks this can take away Type 1 Diabetes.

http://www.diabetesmine.com/2013/01/fresh-new-ada-standards-for-you-yes-type-1s.html

Meet some of the family

Well we made it through another week. My oldest son had an emptying study done, this was to see how fast or slow food and liquid travels through the belly. I didn't know what it would come out to, but the solid food study came back fine. We are waiting for the liquid results, hopefully it will be fine too. I took him to the Dr after his dad was diagnosed with celiac disease. My oldest was tested 2 years ago with blood work, he tested positive. But when we went through 2 different biopsies, they both came back negative. We have changed Dr. and this one says there may not have been enough biopsy' taken. So because the 2nd biopsy's  results may not be correct because he still had food in his tummy. This leads us to the hole emptying stuff. So, we went and sat at the hospital and had 2 different times and he had both done and he did well.

I hope to hear from the Dr next week. But I know I will be busy. My 2 older boys started wrestling, and because I don't trust just anyone with my oldest care. I am there at every practice, there to make sure they are paying attention and the the oldest doesn't fall low and not feel it. G (my oldest) went to the nurse today and he was 66 and he didn't even feel like he was low. This morning was the same way, he woke up at 72 (now he wasn't technically low but he was right on the boarder) and he didn't feel anything. I am thinking I need to start saving money and when there is a lab puppy maybe next year, buy one. I know they are great dogs, and they can sense those kind of things. But I will have to see.

My Big G ( husband), I took him to the Dr and they need to check his neck the arteries to see if they are flowing correctly. I am so scared, he has had 1 heart attack (he was 36) they put 1 stent in, he had to go back to get 2 more stents put in shortly after. In 2010 he had open heart surgery, a quad bypass, and then just a week ago he had another stent put in. I was also told today he has a blockage of 40-50%, but they don't do anything until they are over 80%. So I am scared I am going to loose him. I have been beside this man though drug abuse (his & he choose me over them) and through heart disease, diabetes, and alcohol. I can't explain the stress I feel on a daily basis, and I have no one to talk to. Since his surgery in 2010, he has been diagnosed with PTSD, bipolar, OCD, depression and he has severe panic attacks. I try to keep him calm and safe while he is having an attack. I feel so helpless, I can't help him I have no clue how to help.

My Middle son (C) is having trouble with him teeth. He had to have a cap put on and now he may need the tooth pulled. Luckily it is a baby tooth that will fall out anyway. But I still don't like him in pain. And again there is not much I can do. He is also having tummy pains, I am beginning to think it may be celiac too, but I know if I bring it up to Big G he will through a fit. He thinks I am a hypochondriac. But I just know I get feelings about stuff and I just know. I knew Big G was sick before he knew it.

My little son (J) has not been without his problems either. He has milk intolerance's, it gives him upset tummies. He has slipped up and grabbed the wrong cup and drank it. He has also been having vision troubles. I have an appointment but not until March or April. I don't understand why I have to wait...

What we have been up too...

Sorry I haven't been here. There has been a lot going on. But in 2013, this is our year to change. We are starting to work on doing Random Acts of Kindness (ARK) for 1 stranger(s) per week. We have done 1 so far, me and our oldest son paid the bill for the person behind us at Dunkin Donuts. We were on our way to the Hospital for some test on him. He had a stomach emptying test, both solid and liquid studies. I am hoping they are both good, I know the solid one was good. Also, my dear husband went into the hospital for the placement of a stent. With this one he will have 4 stents in his heart, and he has had a quad-bypass in 2010. So we are just taking everything day by day.

I still am stuggling with weight loss, I have missed  my weight watchers meetings over the last 2 weeks so I don't even know if I have done good or bad with weight right now. I am hoping to be down, but I understand I have not been watching or tracking what I eat. So I will need to get myself back on track. I know I do where my active link from weight watchers and I have made it to 10 points this week. I am well over my goal because my goal (I am not very active) is 4 points a week, but do to all the walking to and from drs and hospitals this week I have done it. I made goal and then some. But I am paying for it today I don't think I have moved much today, I and about to go get my TENS until and wear it, just so I can make it to the bathroom and back to my seat.

I sit here and think how blessed I am to have my children, Husband and we are all alive. I can't help but think about everything in the news lately with all the shootings. I can't imagine not having my children, or even how to say goodbye to them. I mean I can imagine the saying goodbye, because of what we went through with LJ. But I didn't actually have to do it, he survived.

So here are my goals...
1. To post on here, at least weekly-
-Our ARK, our ARK for friends or family and my weight loss.
2. I am hoping that monthly I can post something about our diabetes, celiac or heart issues...
3. Something about our boys and there activities-right now it is all about Wrestling, our 2 older boys are in PeeWee Wrestling.
4. Monthly something about our home-we are slowing remodling and finding our style. We purchased our first home it is from the 1900's so we can do a lot with it.

I have been looking around on Pinterest, Facebook and diabetes sites. So I will hopefully have a great year on posting.

Random Randomness...

Well not a lot has happened, we are continueing our home search. And let me tell you , as a property virgin. I am so confused, my husband and I have looked at about 15 homes. We have made offers on 2 different ones and lost both. I mean I am so stressed out right now. I am realizing my mood effects my weight, and my breasts. I never realized how much emotions play into your body. But back to house shopping. The first one we looked at, we liked, so held off to see what else there was. The Husband was scared about if we pick the 1st one we may loose out on the next one. So we put in an offer on a 2nd one we both loved the kitchen....Well we didn't get it, to our relief. So our journey continues.
I guess maybe I am being too hard on myself, I feel like crying. I want the best for my family and I get such a mindset that I can't see anything else and I obess about everything. I started thinking about some of the other homes we have looked at and needless to say. One of them is out because of a silo, do you believe that one?? I mean a silo, means it can have animals, not that we would have any other than our dogs and a cat. But with our loan it is a no go. And we can't have anything with peeling paint, or stucco showing. Oh and we can't have a trailor no matter how nice it is or how much improvements are made. So that leads us to just a hand full of houses. And the husband is a music nerd. He has a large DJ system that he plays once in a while, so that rules out anything in town. I mean he could play at madison square garden and people across town would be able to hear him I think. So we can't have any close neighbors. That leaves us with even fewer houses, and I don't want to leave the school district. Some people may think I am being foolish, but my boys are my world. They are in school and are happy with friends they have had since they started. I moved around a lot, I only went to 9th grade and I went to 13 different schools. I was a loner because of that. I don't want my kids to be that way. I want them to have bonds with there friends, not be like me and think every friend is replacable. I think that is the best way to put it. I have 2 people whom I talk to that I have known since I was really young. Now are these 2 people whom I am in constant contact with no. If I don't speak to them for a couple of weeks, things are fine. We aren't close like that. I am very upset because I see woman who have had friends since they were kids and are lifelong friends..I don't have that and I think it is because I moved around so much, I am not doing that to my kids. Even if it is our last move. I don't know, maybe it is me. And I have to work on that one. But that is another story. Well time to go..

My Paint Chip Project.

This is the First one of my 4 picture frames I dresses up. Sorry there are no before Pictures.

I got the idea from a couple of different sites. I am trying to find the main one so I can give her credit.

This was not my Idea but once I started, I am looking around my house and there are so many other ideas that I think I have found my new craft object.

I mainly work with Plastic canvas but I know I can put paint sample strips in there somewhere.

Here is the other 3. They all have a little saying.

I love the saying ~Live~Laugh~Love~

So I printed and cut them out then taped them on the picture.

The paint chips I used I took 2 of the same color,

I layed them on the table length wise.

Dark to light then the other was light to dark.

Centered the picture with the colors where I wanted them

Cut it out and slid the pictures in. I purchased the frames at the Dollar General,

for a $1.00 each. They are 5x8 my photos are 4x6 so I filled in open places with color.

http://handmakemyday.com/2011/07/11/she-made-paint-chip-address-cards/

Okay so I kinda got my brain going but that is the site that got it going..

So I took her idea and expanded on it.

I love just looking around at others crafty things,

and then trying it with a little of me into it.

As you can see I like the idea, of using paint chips.

As I said before these boys of mine are my anchors, they are why I get up in the morning.

So I plan to put these pictures up around my house so I can always see them smiling.

For anyone who has children they fight often, and about little things-shoes, one touches the other they looked at one another, you know the typical sibling stuff. And with it being spring break in our school-it is fighting almost everyday, I wish it was nice out because i could shoe them out doors. We have been singing a lot of rain, rain go away...It hasn't helped one bit.

Welcome to my blog

Hello. This is a small post to Welcome you to my world. I am a stay at home mom who is battling weight loss. Oh I know a lot of us are. But I am willing myself to loose 100 pounds or more. I currently weigh 316.0 pounds according to my Weight Watchers weigh in yesterday. Yes I am struggling, I am also still recovering from having breast reduction surgery in Oct 2011. They took 16 pounds off, 8 pounds per side. I never knew how a bra was suppose to fit until after all the healing was done, and I am proud to say I went from a 44M to a 42DD..And before you ask yes the do make bras that size but I could never afford them, so I crambed all that into a 44DDD and still wore 2 bras. So I ma relieved to only have to wear one bra now.

On to my boys, I have 4 actually. There is my oldest he is 44 and we've been happily married for 9 years. And we have 3 wonderful boys, 8, 7 & 5.  I will do more on them later. I am going to let the dogs in now. Talk to you later...